If you’re in a dead bedroom situation right now—wondering what the hell happened, why the woman you married or committed to no longer looks at you with desire, and why every effort to “talk about it” just makes things worse—you’re not alone. But I’m going to tell you something most men have never been told, and it might sting a little at first: she doesn’t want love and loyalty the way you think she does. She wants something deeper. Something more primal. And if you don’t give it to her, someone else eventually will.
I know that sounds harsh. Especially if you’ve done everything “right.” You’ve stayed faithful. You’ve provided. You’ve communicated. You’ve tried to meet her needs. You’ve been emotionally available. You’ve offered her safety. Comfort. Support. Maybe you’ve even doubled down on romance, hoping to rekindle the connection. But instead of gratitude, you’re met with distance. Silence. Excuses. Maybe even contempt.
That’s not just frustrating—it’s emasculating. And that’s why so many men come to me broken, confused, and seconds away from either walking away or completely giving up on intimacy altogether.
But here’s the truth: she’s not crazy. And you’re not broken. You’ve just been lied to about what women really want.
This is why I wrote Get Her To F*ck You Again. Because we’ve raised an entire generation of men to lead with comfort instead of polarity. With obedience instead of dominance. With softness instead of strength. And the result? Sexless marriages, passive resentment, and a tidal wave of men who feel like strangers in their own homes.
Let’s break this down.
Attraction is not a choice. That line right there will save you a lifetime of frustration. You cannot logic a woman into wanting you. You can’t explain your way back into her bedroom. You can’t earn desire through consistency or kindness alone. Women are biologically wired to respond to emotional energy—not arguments, not promises, not affection for affection’s sake. They respond to dominance, mystery, and leadership. Not because they’re shallow or cruel. But because they’re wired for survival and reproduction. And survival depends on strength.
That’s where hypergamy comes in. This isn’t about gold digging or materialism. It’s about her subconscious programming. She’s constantly scanning for the highest-value man available to her. Not just financially—but emotionally, mentally, and physically. And if you stop leading, stop improving, stop presenting yourself as that high-value man, she stops feeling that gut-level draw toward you. That’s when she starts pulling away. That’s when she starts rationalizing the distance. That’s when the bedroom dies.
And here’s where most men go wrong. When they feel her pull back, they lean in harder. They try to fix it with more comfort, more communication, more vulnerability. But that only pushes her further away. Because comfort doesn’t create desire. Tension does. Polarity does. Masculine energy—firm, calm, directional energy—is what reignites the spark.
Women test you for a reason. When she’s giving you attitude, when she’s emotionally unpredictable, when she’s pushing your buttons—it’s not always because she’s mad. Sometimes, it’s because she’s checking to see if you’re still the man she once looked up to. She’s testing to see if you’ll crumble under pressure, get emotional, or give in just to keep the peace. And when you fail that test—when you fold, apologize too quickly, or try to rationalize your way out of it—she doesn’t feel safer. She feels more alone.
In the book, I talk about how frame is king. Your internal world—the way you see yourself, the way you respond under pressure, the emotional tone you bring into the relationship—sets the tone for everything. If she’s the one steering the relationship, deciding how you both feel, determining the rules and emotional temperature, you’re no longer the leader. And when you’re not leading, she doesn’t feel safe. Not the kind of safety that triggers desire. Emotional safety isn’t about comfort. It’s about certainty. Direction. Clarity.
That’s why you can’t follow her lead. You can let her influence you. You can listen. You can collaborate. But the moment you hand over control of the emotional dynamic to her, you become less attractive. She doesn’t want a clone. She doesn’t want a yes-man. She wants a rock she can bounce off of. She wants to feel your energy pulling her out of chaos and into calm. That’s what makes her melt. That’s what makes her crave you.
Another big issue I see in dead bedroom marriages is what I call the provider vs. lover conflict. A lot of guys lean too hard into the provider role. They handle business. They pay the bills. They keep things steady. And they think that’s enough. But in doing so, they stop being the lover. They stop being the flirt. The mystery. The man who teased, challenged, and captivated her in the early days. When you become all provider and no danger, you might keep her around. But you won’t keep her excited. She may love you. But she won’t want you.
Complacency is the silent killer. Once you stop leveling up, once you stop challenging her, once you stop evolving, her emotional investment begins to rot. That’s when she starts fantasizing. That’s when she starts wondering what happened to the man she fell in love with. And worst of all, that’s when she starts thinking about leaving—not because of what you failed to give her, but because of who you stopped being.
Here’s the part that most guys don’t want to hear: maintaining mystery in a committed relationship is a skill. It doesn’t mean being dishonest or hiding things. It means not oversharing. It means not dumping your emotions on her every time you’re upset. It means keeping some sacred space—so she still has something to be curious about. When she wonders what you’re thinking, what you’re planning, where your mind is—that’s when she starts leaning in again.
Sexual polarity has to be cultivated. It doesn’t just exist because you’re a man and she’s a woman. It exists when you lead. When you flirt. When you tease. When you bring confident sexual energy without asking for anything in return. Nice guy energy kills that spark. Masculine leadership revives it.
And yes—her needs will change. Over time, she’ll evolve. Her moods, her goals, her emotional patterns may shift. But that doesn’t mean you start shifting your leadership to chase her moods. Your job is to remain steady. Not static—but strong. You’re the center she orbits around. When she changes, you adjust without losing who you are. That’s leadership. That’s attractive. That’s the difference between a man she leans on and a man she lusts for.
One of the biggest mind shifts I try to instill in guys is this: outcomes you don’t chase, you attract. The moment you start chasing her validation, her mood, her affection—you lose your power. Instead of pulling her into your frame, you’re orbiting hers. Instead of being the prize, you’re becoming the pursuer. And that dynamic kills attraction every time.
If you want to get the edge back, if you want her to crave you again, you have to stop waiting for permission to be the man she once desired. You have to reclaim the energy, the direction, the power you had at the beginning. That means taking care of your body. It means getting back into your mission. It means taking risks again—not stupid ones, but bold, purposeful actions that challenge you. The man she fell for didn’t orbit her. He had gravity. And you can be that man again.
So many men lose their wives or end up stuck in sexless marriages not because they did something wrong, but because they stopped doing the things that made them magnetic in the first place. They became soft. Predictable. Emotionally reactive. They started leading with affection instead of strength. With validation instead of clarity.
Women don’t leave because you weren’t loving enough. They leave because you stopped being the man they could respect, follow, and be drawn to without explanation.
That’s the heart of what Get Her To F*ck You Again is about. It’s not a trick book. It’s not a set of seduction tactics. It’s a mirror—and a roadmap. It shows you exactly where you lost the thread and how to get it back. And the 12-Week Workbook is how you make that change stick. It’s not a passive read—it’s an active transformation. Week by week, you build the habits, the mindset, and the energy that pulls her back in—not because you asked her to, but because she can’t help it.
If your bedroom is cold, if your relationship feels dead, if you’ve been giving everything and still feel unwanted—it’s time to stop giving, and start leading.
Become the man she respects.
Become the man she desires.
Become the man she can’t help but follow.
Start with the book. Do the work. Reclaim your edge.
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