If you’re a man stuck in a dead bedroom, I want to show you something that most people overlook. It's not a new trick. It's not a surface-level tactic. It's a mental shift—a simple but powerful framework that can completely transform the way you handle conflict, attraction, and emotional leadership in your relationship.
And yes, this ties directly into why so many marriages become sexless, distant, or cold over time.
This shift comes straight from NLP, or Neuro-Linguistic Programming, and it’s called Perceptual Positions. It’s one of the most underutilized yet incredibly effective mindset tools when it comes to regaining masculine frame, leading with confidence, and rebuilding sexual polarity.
I cover this in a different way in Get Her To F*ck You Again, but today I want to go deeper into the emotional application of this tool, because it’s something that can immediately start shifting how she sees you—and more importantly, how you handle yourself when things get heated.
Let’s face it. Dead bedrooms don’t come out of nowhere. It starts small. Less touch. Shorter conversations. More criticism. Less eye contact. More rejection. You start asking for sex. You start feeling like a roommate. And the worst part? You start getting reactive. Defensive. Emotionally unstable. Your confidence erodes.
When that happens, you stop leading. You lose frame. And in her eyes, you become less of a man—not because you stopped providing, but because you stopped being the grounded, composed, emotionally solid presence she needs in order to feel attraction.
That’s where perceptual positions come in.
Most guys live entirely in what NLP calls first position. That’s your own internal perspective—your thoughts, your feelings, your justifications. When your wife pulls away, rejects you, or gets emotional, you immediately react from your own lens. You think, “She’s being unfair.” You get angry. You start defending yourself. You try to explain. You raise your voice. You internalize her withdrawal as an attack on your value as a man.
But if you stay stuck in first position, you will always be a slave to your emotional reactions. You’ll always take things personally. And you’ll never have the clarity to lead her back into the polarity that creates attraction.
That’s why you need to step into second position—her perspective. This isn’t about agreeing with her. This is about understanding her emotional frame in the moment. Empathy, in this case, isn’t weakness. It’s tactical. When you can put yourself in her shoes and understand how she’s experiencing the interaction emotionally, you stop reacting and start observing. You stop trying to fix her, and start seeing the root of what she’s feeling. This is what I call emotional intelligence with teeth.
And when you master this second position, something powerful happens. You stop getting pulled into her chaos. You start being able to influence it. She feels seen. She feels understood. And when that happens, she becomes more emotionally open—and that’s the gateway to physical intimacy.
But there’s an even higher level of control. That’s the third position. The observer.
This is where the magic really happens.
Third position is what NLP calls dissociation. It’s the ability to mentally step outside the situation and watch it unfold from a detached, neutral perspective—like a coach or a therapist watching two people in a room. When you step into this position during conflict, you see the entire dynamic with clarity. You stop taking sides. You’re no longer “you” defending yourself, and you’re no longer trapped in her emotions. You’re watching both of you. You’re seeing how the argument is playing out. You’re noticing tone, body language, energy.
And more importantly—you’re noticing who has the frame.
This distance gives you power. It allows you to reframe the moment. It gives you space to choose your next move with intention. It helps you hold masculine composure instead of reacting like a wounded little boy.
I can’t tell you how many guys I’ve worked with who keep losing control during conflict with their wives. They’re trying to fix the sex issue. They’re trying to talk about their needs. But every time she pushes back, they get sucked into emotional arguments. They raise their voices. They spiral. And guess what? Every time they do that, she loses more attraction. Not because they’re wrong—but because they’re unstable.
Women don’t respond to words. They respond to vibe. And when your vibe is reactive, needy, or emotional—you lose.
So how do you fix this?
You train yourself to use perceptual positions in real time. You catch yourself in first position, getting emotional, and instead of reacting—you shift. You pause. You mentally say, “What is she feeling right now? What’s her emotional frame?” That’s second position. Then you step back again and say, “What would I tell another man to do right now if I were coaching him through this?” That’s third position.
You gain instant clarity. You feel less triggered. You lead instead of react.
This is how you hold masculine frame under pressure.
And when you consistently operate from this place of grounded, thoughtful awareness, your woman feels it. She may still challenge you—women always test—but she’ll start feeling safe again. Not just emotionally, but sexually. That’s when the dead bedroom begins to shift. Not because you had another long talk, but because you shifted your energy, your presence, and your emotional leadership.
This is exactly what I walk you through in Get Her To F*ck You Again. The book is not about begging for sex. It’s about becoming the kind of man she wants to have sex with again. And that starts in your mind, not in the bedroom.
And if you want to actually implement these shifts—day by day, week by week—the 12-Week Workbook is your tool. I designed it for men who are ready to do more than just read. It’s for guys ready to rewire their frame, practice emotional discipline, and show up like the man their woman can’t help but respect again.
This isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence.
You don’t need more strategies. You need composure.
You don’t need to talk more. You need to listen better.
You don’t need to beg her to change. You need to change how you lead.
And that leadership starts in your mind—by choosing which position you’re viewing your relationship from.
If you’re living in constant frustration, rejection, or disconnection, it’s time to stop trying harder and start seeing smarter. Perceptual positions are a mindset tool. But in my experience, they’re one of the most practical, powerful ways to regain emotional control—and with it, sexual polarity.
So next time things get tense, remember this.
First position is how you feel.
Second position is how she feels.
Third position is how a leader sees what’s happening and chooses his next move with intention.
You don’t need to win the fight. You need to win the frame.
Get the book. Do the work. Lead with presence.
And watch how fast the bedroom starts to warm back up.
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