Let Go of Covert Contracts: Reignite Passion in Your Marriage

Covert contracts—those unspoken agreements you expect your wife to follow in exchange for your actions—are a trap that leads to resentment, frustration, and ultimately, a dead bedroom. In my book, Get HerTo F*ck You Again, I dive deep into this concept and show men how to break free from these damaging patterns. Today, I’ll walk you through how understanding and eliminating covert contracts can transform your marriage and reignite passion.

What Are Covert Contracts?

Covert contracts are essentially deals you’ve made in your head that your wife didn’t sign up for. You might think, If I do the dishes, she’ll want to have sex with me later, or If I take care of her needs, she should take care of mine in return. These expectations might feel logical, but they’re a recipe for disaster.

Why? Because when your wife doesn’t deliver the response you’re hoping for, resentment builds. That resentment manifests in behaviors that are unattractive, needy, and downright repellent.

As I explain in Get Her To F*ck You Again, women are highly attuned to their husbands’ emotional state. If you’re seething with frustration because she didn’t fulfill her side of your unspoken deal, she’ll pick up on it—and it will push her further away.

The Root of Covert Contracts

Covert contracts stem from a misplaced attachment to outcomes. You’re doing something nice, not because you genuinely want to, but because you’re fishing for a specific response. The problem is that when your wife doesn’t respond as expected, it reinforces feelings of rejection and inadequacy.

This behavior isn’t just unattractive—it’s destructive. In GetHer To F*ck You Again, I break down why this happens:

1. Unrealistic Expectations: Women aren’t mind readers. If you’re expecting her to interpret your actions as a signal for intimacy, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
2. Emotional Neediness: Covert contracts scream insecurity. Women want confident, self-assured men who act because they believe in their own value—not because they’re hoping for validation.
3. Loss of Masculine Frame: When you base your actions on the hope of getting a reaction, you’ve lost control of your frame.

Breaking the Cycle

To fix a dead bedroom, you need to break free from the covert contract trap. Here’s how you can start.

1. Recognize and Own Your Behavior

The first step is admitting that you’ve been using covert contracts in your marriage. This isn’t about beating yourself up; it’s about awareness. Think about the last time you felt frustrated with your wife. Was it because she didn’t respond to something you did the way you wanted her to?

In Get Her To F*ck You Again, I share a story about a client who would clean the house and get angry when his wife didn’t acknowledge his effort. His frustration wasn’t about the chores—it was about his unmet expectations. Once he realized this, he was able to let go of his need for her validation and start focusing on his own growth.

2. Shift Your Mindset

You have to do things for you—not for her. Whether it’s hitting the gym, improving your wardrobe, or tackling a household task, do it because it aligns with the man you want to be, not because you’re hoping for sex as a reward.

When you let go of the need for a specific outcome, you free yourself from the emotional turmoil of unmet expectations. As I explain in the book, this indifference is incredibly attractive. Women are drawn to men who act with purpose and confidence, not men who seek approval.

3. Let Go of Attachment to Outcome

One of the hardest lessons to learn is that you can’t control your wife’s responses—you can only control your own actions. In GetHer To F*ck You Again, I emphasize the importance of focusing on what you can control: your frame, your mindset, and your actions.

For example, instead of thinking, I’ll do this so she’ll respond positively, approach it as, I’ll do this because it’s what I want to do. If she responds positively, great. If she doesn’t, that’s okay too. You’re still moving forward as a stronger, more confident man.

4. Be Indifferent to Her Reactions

Indifference doesn’t mean you don’t care about your wife. It means you’re not emotionally dependent on her validation. This mindset shift is crucial for fixing a dead bedroom.

In the book, I discuss a client who started initiating sex more confidently but without pressuring his wife for a reaction. At first, she resisted—she wasn’t used to this new dynamic. But over time, his consistency and self-assuredness won her over. His wife began initiating sex herself because she felt desired without feeling pressured.

5. Focus on Self-Improvement

Building your physical, emotional, and intellectual pillars is the foundation of rekindling attraction in your marriage. When you invest in yourself, you become the kind of man your wife wants to be with.

• Physical Fitness: Hit the gym, clean up your diet, and dress better. A physically attractive man exudes confidence and energy.
• Emotional Strength: Develop a strong frame by managing your emotions and staying calm under pressure.
• Intellectual Growth: Pursue your passions, learn new skills, and set ambitious goals.

These changes aren’t about her—they’re about you. But the irony is, as you grow and improve, she’ll naturally start seeing you in a new light.

Real-Life Examples

Let’s look at a few scenarios from Get Her To F*ck YouAgain that illustrate how letting go of covert contracts can change the dynamic in your marriage.

The “Helpful Husband”

A man spends hours doing chores, hoping his wife will reward him with affection. When she doesn’t, he sulks and lashes out. His wife grows resentful, feeling like she can never meet his unspoken expectations.

The fix? He starts doing chores because he wants a clean house—not because he’s hoping for sex. He also begins focusing on his fitness and hobbies, becoming more self-assured. His wife notices the change and begins to appreciate him more, both in and out of the bedroom.

The “Nice Guy”

Another man constantly compliments his wife, buys her gifts, and bends over backward to make her happy. But when she doesn’t reciprocate, he becomes passive-aggressive.

The solution? He stops trying to “earn” her affection and starts setting boundaries. He learns to say no when necessary and prioritizes his own goals. Over time, his wife starts respecting him more, reigniting her attraction to him.

Key Takeaways

Breaking free from covert contracts is essential for fixing a dead bedroom. Here’s what you need to remember:

1. Do it for you: Every action you take should align with your vision for yourself—not because you’re hoping for a specific response from your wife.
2. Let go of expectations: You can’t control how she reacts, but you can control how you act. Focus on becoming the best version of yourself.
3. Stay consistent: Change takes time. Your wife might test you, but if you maintain your frame, her attitude will shift.
4. Invest in self-improvement: Build your physical, emotional, and intellectual pillars to become a more attractive, confident man.

Final Thoughts

Fixing a dead bedroom starts with you. By letting go of covert contracts and focusing on your own growth, you can transform your marriage and reignite passion.

For a deeper dive into these concepts and actionable strategies, check out my book, Get Her To F*ck You Again. It’s packed with insights and real-world examples to help you take control of your marriage and create the relationship you’ve always wanted.

Buy Get Her To F*ck You Again on Amazon today, and start making the changes that will reignite the fire in your marriage.