Hypergamy, or the tendency for women to be attracted to men who they perceive as higher status or more successful, can be a powerful force in a relationship. Instead of being intimidated by this dynamic, men can use it to their advantage by understanding how to leverage their own status, confidence, and purpose to maintain attraction in a marriage or relationship. As discussed in Everything I Wish I Knew When I Was 18, maintaining attraction is about understanding both human psychology and the balance of power in relationships.
Leveraging Hypergamy in Long-Term Relationships
At the core of hypergamy is the concept that women are naturally drawn to men who demonstrate higher value. This isn't just about wealth or status but also about displaying strength, confidence, and leadership. In marriage or long-term relationships, many men make the mistake of becoming complacent or overly accommodating, which often leads to a shift in the power dynamic, causing a decrease in attraction.
To use hypergamy to your advantage, it's essential to maintain your mission and purpose, keeping your goals at the forefront of your life. In Everything I Wish I Knew When I Was 18, I discuss how men can stay on their mission and focus on their personal development, which inherently boosts their value in the eyes of their partner. When a man has a clear purpose, he signals that he is not only self-reliant but also capable of leading in the relationship.
This mindset shift taps into a woman's evolutionary psychology. Women are naturally drawn to men who have their own lives and dreams, and when a man prioritizes his own growth, it makes him more attractive. The balance between showing affection and maintaining a level of mystery is crucial here. If you can create a situation where your partner feels like she is earning your time and attention, it will increase her desire to be around you.
The Role of Patience and Controlling Eagerness
One of the key aspects of maintaining attraction is practicing patience and controlling eagerness. As I discuss in my book, men often make the mistake of overwhelming their partner with affection and attention too soon, which can be seen as desperation. Women may initially appreciate the attention, but if a man appears too eager, it can cause her to lose interest.
Instead of rushing into an exclusive relationship, take your time. Let her bring up the conversation about commitment, and use this period to continue developing yourself. This allows hypergamy to work in your favor, as she will feel the need to "lock you down" because she perceives your value as high and sees you as a desirable partner. This is a more subtle, powerful way to create a dynamic where she pursues you, rather than the other way around.
Patience, in this context, isn't about avoiding commitment altogether but rather pacing the relationship in a way that fosters long-term attraction. In Everything I Wish I Knew When I Was 18, I emphasize that patience is a sign of emotional control and maturity, qualities that women find deeply attractive. By pacing the relationship, you allow the natural tension and desire to build, which strengthens the bond over time.
How to Handle Texting and Communication
A common mistake that men make is over-communicating, especially when it comes to texting and phone calls. In Everything I Wish I Knew When I Was 18, I explain that less is more when it comes to communication in the early stages of a relationship. Constantly texting or calling can make you seem too available, which diminishes your value in her eyes.
It’s been scientifically proven that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. By keeping your communication balanced and not overwhelming her with constant contact, you allow her to miss you and think about you more. This taps into her natural desire for a man who is in control of his time and emotions, making her feel that she has to work harder to get your attention.
Instead of texting her constantly, focus on setting up dates and interactions where you can connect in person. This not only strengthens the bond but also creates a dynamic where you’re seen as a man of action rather than a man of words. Women want to be with a man who is decisive and takes charge, and your ability to control communication will amplify this perception.
Creating a Dynamic of Fun and Comfort
Another key concept in maintaining attraction is making sure that your partner feels comfortable and secure around you. In the book, I mention that women primarily want to have fun and feel good during their time with you. If you take dating too seriously or try to force commitment too quickly, it can create unnecessary pressure, leading to the relationship breaking down.
Instead, focus on creating a dynamic where your partner feels comfortable being herself around you. This doesn’t mean you have to compromise your standards or goals, but rather that you provide an environment where both of you can enjoy each other's company without any hidden agendas or expectations. Women are naturally drawn to men who make them feel secure, and by facilitating fun and excitement in your interactions, you build a stronger emotional connection.
Avoiding Desperation and Smothering
A major turnoff for women is desperation, which is often displayed when men smother them with affection or push for a committed relationship too quickly. As discussed in Everything I Wish I Knew When I Was 18, desperation signals to a woman that a man is insecure and lacks other options. The key to avoiding this pitfall is to continue dating multiple women and keeping your options open. This prevents you from becoming overly invested in one woman too soon and keeps the dynamic in your favor.
This concept is rooted in the idea of spinning plates, a term often used to describe the practice of dating multiple women at the same time. When you have several options, you’re less likely to become emotionally dependent on one woman, which allows you to maintain your composure and patience in the dating process. As you continue spinning plates, you will naturally filter out women who are not compatible with you, and the one who remains will see you as a high-value man with plenty of options.
In long-term relationships, the principle remains the same. Even though you may be committed to one woman, maintaining a sense of independence and focusing on your goals prevents you from falling into the trap of becoming too dependent on her for your emotional well-being. This dynamic keeps the relationship fresh and exciting, as your partner will continue to see you as a strong, desirable man who is focused on his purpose.
Conclusion: Mastering the Power of Hypergamy
Using hypergamy to your advantage is about understanding the natural dynamics of attraction and how to leverage them in your favor. By focusing on your personal development, maintaining your mission, and controlling your communication and eagerness, you can create a relationship dynamic where your partner is drawn to you because of your high value.
In Everything I Wish I Knew When I Was 18, I dive deeper into these principles, providing actionable advice on how to build attraction, maintain it over time, and avoid the common mistakes that many men make in relationships. These strategies are not just about dating but about creating a life where you are in control of your destiny, attracting the right people and opportunities along the way.
If you’re ready to take control of your relationship and start using hypergamy to your advantage, book a strategy session with me today. Together, we’ll create a plan that helps you maintain attraction, improve your relationship, and achieve your personal goals. Visit http://coaching.comeonmanpod.com to get started.
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