As men, keeping the spark alive in a long-term relationship can be challenging, but it’s essential to maintaining a healthy, fulfilling marriage. If you’re wondering how to increase sexual intimacy in your marriage, you're not alone. Drawing from my book, "Everything I Wish I Knew When I Was 18", and insights from "Married Man's Sex Life Primer" by Athol Kay, I’ll show you practical ways to reignite the passion with your wife and maintain a strong, lasting connection.
Reclaiming Masculine Leadership
One of the biggest factors in reviving sexual intimacy is reclaiming masculine leadership. In both my book and Athol Kay’s "Married Man’s Sex Life Primer", it’s made clear that attraction in marriage is fueled by polarity—the dynamic between masculine and feminine energy. Over time, many men unknowingly become passive, allowing their wives to take the lead in decision-making, which can erode attraction.
In "Everything I Wish I Knew When I Was 18," I explain that women are naturally attracted to men who lead with confidence. To reignite desire, you need to step back into your role as the leader in your relationship.
What You Can Do: Start taking charge in the relationship. Plan date nights without asking for her approval, take the lead in household decisions, and make confident, assertive choices. By stepping into your masculine energy, you’ll restore the polarity that naturally fuels sexual attraction.
Focus on Physical and Emotional Health
In both books, physical fitness and emotional resilience are key components of attraction. Let’s face it—if you’ve let your fitness slip, it can impact how attractive your wife finds you. Similarly, emotional neediness can turn her off.
In "Married Man’s Sex Life Primer," Athol Kay emphasizes the importance of physical fitness and staying in shape to maintain attraction. My book echoes this sentiment, adding that emotional fitness is just as important. Men who are emotionally strong and independent naturally attract their wives.
What You Can Do: Get serious about your health. Whether it’s going to the gym, improving your diet, or working on your mental health, these changes will not only make you feel better but will also reignite your wife’s attraction to you.
Sexual Confidence and Assertiveness
Another key factor that both "Everything I Wish I Knew When I Was 18" and "Married Man’s Sex Life Primer" touch on is the importance of sexual confidence. Too often, men in long-term marriages wait for their wives to initiate intimacy, which can create a passive dynamic that kills attraction. Women are drawn to men who are confident and assertive in their desires.
In my book, I discuss how leading in the bedroom can reignite intimacy. If you’ve become hesitant or unsure, it’s time to take the lead. Athol Kay also emphasizes the need for men to be more proactive and to set the tone in the bedroom.
What You Can Do: Stop waiting for her to initiate. Be confident in expressing your desires and take the lead when it comes to intimacy. Show her that you still desire her and aren’t afraid to make the first move.
Build Emotional Connection without Becoming Needy
Building emotional intimacy is crucial for maintaining sexual connection, but there’s a fine line between being emotionally available and being needy. In "Everything I Wish I Knew When I Was 18," I explain how women are attracted to emotional strength, not dependence. While emotional connection is key, constantly seeking reassurance or validation from your wife can be a turn-off.
Athol Kay also touches on this in his book, explaining that maintaining your frame is critical. A man who stays grounded, emotionally stable, and doesn’t seek approval will naturally attract his wife.
What You Can Do: Be emotionally present without being overly dependent. Have meaningful conversations with your wife, but don’t let yourself become emotionally reliant on her for your sense of worth.
Create Sexual Tension by Flirting and Teasing
One technique that Athol Kay talks about in "Married Man’s Sex Life Primer" is creating sexual tension by flirting and teasing. Over time, many marriages fall into a routine where the excitement fades. By reintroducing playful teasing and flirting, you can build sexual tension that leads to a deeper connection.
What You Can Do: Start flirting with your wife like you did when you first started dating. Send her playful texts, tease her, and inject fun back into the relationship. This will not only make her feel desired but will also increase sexual tension, setting the stage for more frequent intimacy.
Conclusion: Reclaim Your Masculine Frame and Increase Intimacy
Increasing sexual intimacy in your marriage isn’t about quick fixes—it’s about reclaiming your masculine frame and taking the lead in both your relationship and the bedroom. By focusing on leadership, physical fitness, emotional connection, and sexual confidence, you can reignite the passion and attraction that first brought you together.
If you’re ready to take action and transform your marriage, book a strategy session with me today. I’ll work with you to develop a personalized plan to get your wife to want you sexually again. Click here to schedule your call and start building the intimacy and connection you deserve.
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